Non-Game Topic, But Its So Funny Because Its True

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 11:54 pm

Raising Boys - 24 key points to ponder

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I''ve learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old boy''s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn''t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it''s already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still cannot walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR''s do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin,TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 12:09 am

Heh....just thought about it....this reminds me of Babbs''s kids, Very Happy

Senior Officer Joined: Jul 26, 2005 Posts: 2053

LOL thats what I was gonna say....

I personally like

1)Solid stick deoderant can be lodged into a 3 year old''s nostril when they attempt to smell it.

2)Mashed potatoes can stick to ceilings for months without being noticed.

3)1/2 Thick drywall will not break when you bounce a basketball off it, it will break however when a child bounces himself into it trying to knock himself silly.

4)It is possible for a male child to pee on the ceiling.

5)A screw driver lodged into an electrical outlet can throw a child and sparks back 5 feet.

6)Putting cologne on a dog''s butt does not make it smell better.

7)1/2 plywood bathroom subflooring and tile has to be replaced frequently if men/boys "miss" the toliet.

8)Drywall around the toilet is not safe from urine.

9)24 slices of american cheese eaten in one hour=no poop for a week.

10)Child proof caps on bleach are not child proof

11)Bleach poured onto a beige carpet will turn it pink; green marker on beige carpet will turn it black.

12)Ripping your gums away from your mouth and teeth does not require stitches. Falling out of a 8ft window does not require stitches. Cracking your head against the corner of a table does.

13)Approximate wait time in local emergency room is two hours.

14)Diaper rash ointment resembles Bengay in looks and texture; it takes 30min of a cool water bath to relieve the pain once its applies to genitals.

15)Police will not stop to assist a woman chasing a naked 3 year old and 2 dogs down the road. Police will however come to your house when your child calls his friend whose phone number includes the numbers 911.

16)It is very easy to put dents in a wall with a screw driver, it takes much more force and effort to carve your name into a oak table with one however.

17)Sharpies are bad bad bad.

Theres lots more I could come up with but im tired of thinking and typing Very Happy

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:01 am

BOY......u guys do treat ur kids KOOL

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:17 am

OMG.....what makes Babbs'' post so damn funny is that her kids really did those things, lol...or maybe not so funny...I didn''t know about the stitches though....I did all the others and was there for some of them.

ROFL

Senior Officer Joined: Mar 17, 2005 Posts: 1083

Hm... I think I''ll aim for having girls, now.

Senior Officer Joined: Jul 26, 2005 Posts: 2053

Yeah rel u remember the stitches...caleb fell out the window at mom and dads when he was 2, he fell and hit his mouth on the medicine cabnit last year...he got stitiches in his head when he was 3 cus he hit his head on mom and dads table.

And yes my kids have done all that. Like I said there are more but too lazy to type Smile

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 3:09 am

Hehe.....Estara, I think Tullen''s the one that''s gonna determine the gender, lol...or at least that''s what I learned in Biology.

Senior Officer Joined: Mar 17, 2005 Posts: 1083

Riiight. Well, I''ll just have to let him know then. Razz

Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 1:27 am

now imageine ur kids......at age 13.....hope u deal with them well

Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:15 pm

Im the oldest of 7 boys... I give my step mom another year before a strait jacket is needed

Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 12:27 am

/bump

Joined: Mar 16, 2006 Posts: 16 Location: LaGrange, Georgia

ya'll forgot one... if you give a three year old real "my size" tools they can take all the knobs of your cabinets, dismantle your living room tables and if you don't catch them in time they go after the hinges on the doors...

Joined: Feb 07, 2006 Posts: 103

ROFL, u let ur kid fall outta a 8ft window on to a medicine cabinet?!?

/scold

Joined: Mar 24, 2006 Posts: 134

Tich wrote:

ROFL, u let ur kid fall outta a 8ft window on to a medicine cabinet?!?

/scold

My brother fell out of our treehouse and had migraine headaches for several years. Shocked